You're listening to Mayonaise

Well, if you want to know about me, I suppose I'll just have to tell you a zillion little bits and pieces about the woman behind this bizarre website...

First of all, if you want to see pictures of me, go here. I'm not going to traumatize those of you who already know that all "internet chicks" are ugly and that none of us are the blonde haired/blue eyed bone thin sluts you think we are. I will never be blonde, I don't have blue eyes, and you can be damn sure that I'll never be taller than my current 5'3", and I'll never be 105 pounds. I'll always be the first person to admit that.

I was born on Sunday, September 12, 1982. That makes me seventeen. (I really hate admitting that.) I put in three years at Eleanor Roosevelt High School in Greenbelt, Maryland, and decided that I was finished and ready for a change. So, I'm currently a junior at the University of Minnesota, and the general response I'd gotten to this is "Don't go there, it's cold." Somehow, ironically, the way people detest cold climates seems to have attracted me to the region instead... I also like (this is going to sound especially nerdy) that Minneapolis is located on the 45th degree of latitude... making it exactly halfway between the equator and the North Pole.

My natural hair color is light brown. My current hair color is black. I like having black hair. I plan to keep it like this for a while. I'm rather pale, and I have hazel eyes. Sometimes, my eyes are the only part of me that has any color...

I'm a vegetarian. I went through the supervegan stage, but right now, I do it out of convention and it's not something I really care enough to talk about.

I'm a witch. I used to have written, in this spot right here, a sentence or two about "Wicca," but I took it off because I don't like that word. No offense to everyone, but lately "Wiccan" has seemed to cause responses from rebellious teenagers like who want to bond with people and just be weird... Well, although I'll readily admit to being a rebellious teenager, it's really not something I identify myself with, and it's not something I want to bond with people over. I really don't like talking about religion. It's become quite a sore subject with me---not because I'm uncomfortable, but rather because I believe what I believe, completely separate from everyone else, and I'm comfortable with that... I don't want to conform to anyone else's faiths and practices in any way, shape, or form... and it makes no difference to me whether these people are Methodists, Catholics, Buddhists, or pagans. A note to those of you who actually care, because I really don't: I don't capitalize the words "pagan" and "witch" because I don't identify them as specific religious groups. Never mind; it makes sense to me... Anyway, that's enough, as I said, I don't like talking about religion. So don't email me about it.

I am very much a science major. I initially fell in love with chemistry, but I've also developed a green thumb along the way.

I'd sleep all day long if you'd let me.

My all-time favorite band is The Smashing Pumpkins. I've got so much Pumpkins stuff that normal people would wretch. :) Other favorite bands of mine are Veruca Salt, Nirvana, and Garbage. I love Shirley Manson. I'd definitely fuck her.

Every spring, my old high school had an electives fair. What happens is that when we're registering for classes, each different class gets to represent itself at the fair, and tries to get people to enroll in it. The Latin teacher does this by bribing her students with extra points if they wear a toga all day long. Click here to see pictures of some students in their togas.

I love green olives. I love green olives so much that when I die, Spain will go into an economic recession. Bring me green olives and backstage passes to a Smashing Pumpkins concert, and I will date you regardless of how completely revolting you are. Black roses don't hurt, either. I love black roses...

I hate white bras. I'll wear red, blue, green, black... absolutely anything except white. Well, I will wear white, but I assure you, I'll bitch about it all day long. Similarly, I never wear underwear that comes up anywhere near my waist. Ask me to show it to you someday and just see how far down I have to go to find it... and, yes, I do wear underwear...

I'm an innie.

I have no inhibitions about cutting down the freaks who email me. If you want to email me, fine, you're welcome to. (Especially if you're a smart guy---I like talking to smart guys. Just not smartass guys...) My email address is at the bottom of this page, always has been, always will be. However, if you're going to email me and say a bunch of really stupid bullshit, I'll be certain to let you know that I don't care and that I don't find you intelligent or amusing.

My bra size is 36C. To all of my old friends who just came across this piece of info: come on, you didn't really think I was going to be tasteful, did you?

You know those toilets that flush automatically? 95% of the time, I don't set them off. Even when I do, I have to trick them into it... no, I'm not that fat...

I can't find the volume of a solid that has a base of the area enclosed by the curve y=x² with a given perpendicular cross-sectional area to save my life.

I like Pepsi better than Coke, despite the fact that I honestly am unable to differentiate between the two.

Fabio is not attractive, nor was he ever. I fail to see the attractive quality in a man with hair like Barbie who is shaped like an inverted triangle with legs. If that isn't enough, the most intelligent thing I've ever heard him say is "I can't believe it's not butter!"

I have short fingernails.

My phone number is (301) 844-1212. Call me for some hot phone sex!

I have ridiculously high standards. Click here to read about what the ideal man should be like...

I keep all of my CDs in alphabetical order. I once threw a fit because I couldn't decide whether Marilyn Manson should be filed under Manson (as if it were a person's name) or Marilyn (as if it were a band name). This was only an issue because I have the Marcy Playground album, which goes before or after Marilyn Manson, depending on how you file it.

My parents live halfway across the country, so I get to do whatever I want to.

All of the scars on my wrists really are from cat scratches.

Well, that's enough for now. Poke around some more. If you want to, email me at lauraandromeda@hotmail.com.

Back.