Chemistry Tips

How to earn that A

The one you know you desperately need

Have you ever thought to yourself, "I really need an A in Chemistry, but I have a D right now, and this class is impossible."? Well, welcome to the wonderful magical world of extra credit assignments! Here you will find detailed lists of projects to do that will gain your teacher's affection and respect as well as boost your grade dramatically. Do not consult with your teacher before performing these experiments. These are the unauthorized experiments your teacher mentioned you being allowed to perform! Really! The teacher said it on one of those days when you weren't paying attention because the Lewis dot structures were too complicated. These experiments will put you on the road to success...
Disclaimer: This is for entertainment ONLY!!! Neither Action Figure Nita nor Chlorine Girl is responsible if anyone is stupid enough to actually do any of these things.
  1. Super Cleaning Agent--Everyone knows how well bleach cleans. Chlorine Girl likes bleach because the active ingredient is an acid called "sodium hypochlorite." That's why it's called "chlorine bleach." Chlorine Girl is taking an educated guess and is saying that the formula for sodium hypochlorite is NaHClO2. Someone correct her if she's wrong. Action Figure Nita, however, likes ammonia. Ammonia is a base, with the formula NH3. It's a pretty pyramid shape, and it makes hydrogen bonds, another one of Chlorine Girl's favorite things. :) Ammonia is used in cleaners, too, specifically things like glass cleaners. So, we started to think one day... and we figured that if bleach and ammonia were good cleaners by themselves, they'd be spectacular cleaners if used together. Simply get a BIG plastic container and mix generous amounts of bleach and ammonia, preferably gallons of each. DO NOT DILUTE THIS SOLUTION WITH WATER OR IT WILL LOSE ITS POTENCY!!! Instead, make sure you fill the container with ammonia first, and then add the bleach. If it splashes a lot, this is a good sign. Don't worry if some of it overflows. Now, what you should do is fully clean all surfaces with your solution, and don't forget to scrub the school's ventilation systems...
  2. Instant Orange Juice--Have you ever sat in a long boring lecture in which the teacher didn't talk? You know, one of those lectures where the students have this booklet and this sheet and everyone else is punching stuff into calculators and filling in bubbles on this green paper, and you're just wondering why the teacher isn't talking? Did you ever think that maybe the teacher wasn't talking because he was thirsty? Your teacher would greatly appreciate it if you would take it upon yourself to get him something to drink. But what? Never fear! There's a way to make orange juice from scratch! First, locate the reagent bottles labeled "Pb(NO3)2" and "KI." Get a large beaker and pour these two chemicals into it. Do not allow the mixture to settle. Instead, immediately give your newly made orange juice to the teacher and remind him of how much he has touched your life.
  3. Snap, Crackle, Pop--Have you ever done that lab where you isolate hydrogen from an acid and ignite it? Never mind, you don't know what that means. Let me try again. Remember that lab where you put a match by the empty test tube and it made this really cool popping noise? Ever wonder how to make an even louder even cooler popping noise? It's quite simple. First, you must obtain more acid and more metal. Never mind that your teacher told you to only use small amounts of each; she doesn't know what she's talking about. Besides, this is all in the name of science. You need a FULL reagent bottle of acid to do this experiment. Drop a piece of metal into the reagent bottle. Make sure it's as large as can possibly fit in there. Then, you must work quickly. Light a match. Drop it into the acid. You will then be the envy of all your classmates, and your teacher will love you forever.
  4. Unbelievable Precision--Your teacher may have told you to record your measurements to one more digit than the instrument you use specifies. For example, if you are using a triple beam balance, and you end up with a value between 367.2 and 367.3 g, you can say that the mass of your sample is 367.25 g. However, why only be accurate to one more place? Surely your results would be a lot better if you estimated to FIVE more digits! Look really closely at the marks on your balance--you may notice that the mass of your sample is really 267.287309 g. You must record this on your lab sheet and turn it into your teacher, who will undoubtedly be extremely impressed at your superior ability to estimate.
  5. 300% Yield--If you perform a lab and get a 90% yield, your teacher is happy and she will think that you did a good job on the lab. Just imagine how much happier she'll be if you could manage a 300% yield. You can go about this one of two ways. First, you can play around a lot with all the chemicals you use and not measure and spill stuff all over the place. That way, your calculations will say that you have a 3% yield. However, just multiply your answer by 100 (You learned in algebra that you can do this. You just don't remember. Trust us.) and you have a 300% yield! If this is too complicated, or you're just not good at math, we have another way to achieve a 300% yield. First, you must be very careful to measure the chemicals you use and do the lab very carefully. Then, add more and more and more and more chemicals until you have enough for your 300% yield. Never mind that your teacher said only to use 10 mL of the KOH...

September 6, 1998

-Chlorine Girl

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