The fountain people select a dish from the vast array of identical dishes, and put some Reese's Pieces in it. Oh, yes, we use brand name candy, mind you! None of that cheap generic crap you get everywhere else! Then, they place a large scoop of extremely soft vanilla ice cream on top of it, which is specially made so that it will never ever melt. Then, they carefully dip a sugar cone in the hot fudge, and place it on top of the ice cream (with a real cherry on top covering the sharp point of the cone -- safety first!), creating a whimsical, clown-like hat, guaranteed to make your four year old smile, even though he has no intention of actually eating the ice cream. Even more Reese's Pieces are added to make a face, and some whipped cream is added in order to make this sundae even cuter. Do you have to go all the way to Friendly's and spend $3.79 on a kids' meal to get the conehead? Of course not! For the low, low price of $199.95 per hour, I will move in with you and make you coneheads all day long! No more wondering what to give the kids for lunch or what to make for dinner or how to create world peace! The answer is the conehead! Order yours today. Supplies are limited. I'm not kidding. If you worked at Friendly's, you would know that. By the way, the soup of the day is Maryland Crab. Trust me, it is. I don't care how long ago I made this website.
Maybe you're not in the mood for a conehead. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't be, but I guess that's not my problem. Maybe you'd prefer the rainbow sundae which, I promise, is not mostly whip. Here's what it's supposed to look like. (Note: Intended appearances of sundaes and actual appearances of sundaes may have extreme differences.)
The rainbow sundae, with its pink ice cream and rainbow sprinkles, is usually ordered by eleven year old boys who have not yet adapted to American gender roles. Those eleven year old boys who are more agressive tend to order the volcano.
I'm not supposed to tell anyone this, but I'm sure that no one will ever see this just because it's posted on the internet. The "volcanic eruption sundae" was devised by the executives at Friendly's in order to detect children with violent streaks. Hot fudge pours out of the cone as if it were lava erupting from the volcano, and the Reese's Pieces represent the villagers, trying to flee, but are unable to escape inevitable death. The rainbow sprinkles are their priceless possessions such as their diamond rings, thousand dollar bills, $50,000 cars and their doggies. All of them are going to die. If someone orders a volcano, we hit a secret red button by the register, and smile nervously as we make the ice cream. Later that night, Men in Black will appear at the child's door and will take him away as he kicks and screams for mercy. The child is then eliminated quickly and painlessly, and cat food prices go down. For more innocent children who are afraid to go to bed at night, there's the monster sundae.
Like the conehead, the monster is also made with brand name candy. The face is composed of M&M brand M&M's, as well as a real cherry. We haven't yet decided whether the cherry is a nose or a mouth. A real, brand-name Reese's Peanut Butter Cup makes the monster's ears. We invite the children to devour the monster in a sadistic attempt to convince the child that the monster in the closet is dead. Sometimes the mint chocolate chip ice cream oozes blood, so we start to wonder whether there's actually some truth to that. Occasionally, though, the monster is made with faulty ice cream -- the ice cream actually melts. In this case, the monster would look more like this...
If you receive a monster that looks like this, and most of them do tend to look more like this, then it is already dead, and you do not even have to eat it! Instead, just smear the ice cream all over the table and hide the ears on the floor as a special present for the server who closes at the end of the day, which will probably be me, anyway.
Sometimes, older kids are interested in ice cream and don't find anything on the kids' menu that suits their sophisticated tastes. These people are so mature that they figure that just because they're in the twelvth grade, they should get a senior discount. They might think it's "rad" or "gnarly" -- look at the kinds of horrible slang words kids these days are using -- to order a banana split. Please don't do this. See, I am a superserver. I am multitalented. This means that I can do things like get some ice tea and stand at the exact same time. Not all servers can do this, mind you. I also believe that once, I was even able to speak while holding a plate! As you can see, I am not your average waitress! So, just because I can read your mind and I know that when you order a "banana split," you really mean you want a "royal," it doesn't mean that all of the servers know this. Just make it easy and call it a royal, okay?
The picture of the royal in the menu looks a lot like this. Vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice cream with chocolate, marshmallow, and strawberry topping, on a split banana with three peaks of whip, and nuts, chocolate sprinkles, and a cherry. You have no idea how much effort it took not to write Royal/V/C/St/Choc/Mar/St/XWal/CS instead of all of that stuff. However, this is not what the royal actually will look like when you get your ice cream. People are always disappointed when they get their royals. We never do understand why. People tend to think that the royal will look like the royal in the picture. This makes no sense. Your royal will look something like this.
There is no banana because all of the bananas at Friendly's are either green or brown. This is just another reason not to refer to the royal as a "banana split." Also, we ran out of walnuts, so there aren't any of those, but the royal is absolutely swimming in strawberry topping in order to make up for it. And, there's lots and lots of whip, because we figure that if you can't see the ice cream, then you won't know that it's messed up, so you'll have eaten all of it before you can send it back. For some reason, though, we're completely wrong, and people still send it back after they've eaten the ice cream. The cherry's hidden in the whip somewhere. As long as it's there, it really doesn't matter all that much where it is. In fact, you should pretend that you're hunting for treasure when you're looking for the cherry. The first one to find the cherry on his royal gets to order a free conehead!