Nerdity and You

Note: Many people, including myself, are more than one kind of nerd.

Latin Nerds

Characteristics:

• Would be willing to have untranslated Catullus tattooed up and down their legs
• Are not embarassed to be seen in togas
• Consider the writings of Ovid to be erotica
• Know the root words of all of the physics terms you ever learned
• Can list dozens of stupid reasons why Latin is actually useful
• Interestingly enough, in my experience at least, the majority of them are blonde

Math Nerds

Characteristics:

• Know the value of p to at least 25 digits
• Can calculate more values of p if needed
• Learned calculus by age 15
• Actually like calculus
• Can't balance their checkbooks because they look for something to differentiate
• Can remember how to do that thing with the e and the d that I've forgotten how to do...

Science Nerds

Biology Nerds

Characteristics:

• Are excited by lectures on DNA replication
• Can differentiate between DNA nucleotides and RNA nucleotides by looking at the chemical structure (they're very similar)
• When discussing sex, are very often really discussing meiotic divisions rather than intercourse
• Can explain how the allosteric site of an enzyme is used
• Will tell you that it's healthier to drink urine than to kiss someone
• Include the author of this site

Chemistry Nerds

Characteristics:

• Can use electronegativity as a metaphor for sexual attractions
• Are some of your more typical nerds--you're most likely to find your chemistry nerds wearing lab aprons/coats and watching a beaker boil over a Bunsen burner
• When told that your birthday is August 31, they automatically think "8/31... that's like 8.315, one of the gas constants..." Same with August 21, actually... .0821 is another gas constant.
• Will kill you for accidently saying that a neutron is negatively charged
• Expect everyone to know the atomic mass of oxygen off the top of their heads
• Include the author of this site

Physics Nerds

Characteristics:

• Actually know, unlike most of my high school physics class, that velocity is the derivative of position and acceleration is the derivative of velocity
• For this reason, many physics nerds are also math nerds
• Tend to be more "scraggly" than the chemistry nerds... for example, if you're dating a chemistry nerd, he/she will tend to bathe daily, comb his/her hair, pay attention to the surroundings, etc. A physics nerd, on the other hand, often forgets many of these things. Take a look at pictures of Einstein if you don't believe me.
• Actually give a fuck about coefficients of friction
• Think situations with no acceleration are "neat!" (In my experience, they always use that word.)

Computer Nerds

Characteristics:

• Can program in several different computer languages
• Are active players in at least 4 RPGs
• Are male, between the ages of 11 and 19
• Look like Bill Gates
• Own a TI-86, and they've written all of the programs they have on there, of course
• Have subscriptions to all of those PC magazines

Star Trek Nerds

Characteristics:

• Can recite all of the TNG, DS9, and Voyager episodes in which characters from other shows have appeared
• Refuse to let you to call the space station "Deep Space Nine." It's supposed to be "Tarak Nor," the Cardassian name for it.
• Are planning to take a vacation to Risa after completing their first year at the Starfleet Academy
• Males: think Uhura/Troi/Dax/Kes (depending on which series he prefers) is the sexiest woman in the world
• Females: think Kirk/Wesley/Jake/Paris (depending on which series she prefers) is the sexiest man in the world.

Athletic Nerds

Characteristics:

• Are blonde, but don't take Latin
• Are on the varsity soccer and softball/baseball teams at the same time, yet their grade point averages never drop below 4.0
• Have never had a zit in their lives
• Never gain a pound
• Inevitably have SAT scores of 1600
• Have been accepted into several Ivy League schools
• Have been offered every possible scholarship, no matter how irrelevant. "Young man, even though you're a rich white boy, we've decided to award you $10,000 that we've set aside for hispanic women from low-income households because you look so cute in your football jersey."
• If male: Always date cheerleaders
• If female: Always date football players
• Note: There's a fine line between an athetic nerd and a jock. The difference is that the athletic nerds are smart, while the jocks are struggling through Algebra 1 when sophomores.

Reject Nerds

Characteristics:

• Very shy and quiet
• Tend to come off as slackers or punks
• Have secret laboratories in their basements
• Are almost complete loners. While other groups of nerds will associate in their nerd cliques, the reject nerds just stay in their basements and perform bizarre experiments involving electricity.
• High suicide rate

More coming soon... there are so many types of nerds, but there are also only so many hours in the day.

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