Well, I already know that you're a nerd. Yes, you are, so just shut up. If you weren't a nerd, you wouldn't be surfing the net looking at my page right now. Okay, now you at least know that you're a nerd. But, have you ever wondered about what kind of nerd you are? Now you can find out! Here's a synopsis of every type of nerd I can think of.
Note: Many people, including myself, are more than one kind of nerd.
Latin Nerds
Characteristics:
Would be willing to have untranslated Catullus tattooed up and down their legs
Are not embarassed to be seen in togas
Consider the writings of Ovid to be erotica
Know the root words of all of the physics terms you ever learned
Can list dozens of stupid reasons why Latin is actually useful
Interestingly enough, in my experience at least, the majority of them are blonde
Math Nerds
Characteristics:
Know the value of p to at least 25 digits
Can calculate more values of p if needed
Learned calculus by age 15
Actually like calculus
Can't balance their checkbooks because they look for something to differentiate
Can remember how to do that thing with the e and the d that I've forgotten how to do...
Science Nerds
There are a few types of science nerds, so I'm going to have to divide it up a bit...
Biology Nerds
Characteristics:
Are excited by lectures on DNA replication
Can differentiate between DNA nucleotides and RNA nucleotides by looking at the chemical structure (they're very similar)
When discussing sex, are very often really discussing meiotic divisions rather than intercourse
Can explain how the allosteric site of an enzyme is used
Will tell you that it's healthier to drink urine than to kiss someone
Include the author of this site
Chemistry Nerds
Characteristics:
Can use electronegativity as a metaphor for sexual attractions
Are some of your more typical nerds--you're most likely to find your chemistry nerds wearing lab aprons/coats and watching a beaker boil over a Bunsen burner
When told that your birthday is August 31, they automatically think "8/31... that's like 8.315, one of the gas constants..." Same with August 21, actually... .0821 is another gas constant.
Will kill you for accidently saying that a neutron is negatively charged
Expect everyone to know the atomic mass of oxygen off the top of their heads
Include the author of this site
Physics Nerds
Characteristics:
Actually know, unlike most of my high school physics class, that velocity is the derivative of position and acceleration is the derivative of velocity
For this reason, many physics nerds are also math nerds
Tend to be more "scraggly" than the chemistry nerds... for example, if you're dating a chemistry nerd, he/she will tend to bathe daily, comb his/her hair, pay attention to the surroundings, etc. A physics nerd, on the other hand, often forgets many of these things. Take a look at pictures of Einstein if you don't believe me.
Actually give a fuck about coefficients of friction
Think situations with no acceleration are "neat!" (In my experience, they always use that word.)
Computer Nerds
Characteristics:
Can program in several different computer languages
Are active players in at least 4 RPGs
Are male, between the ages of 11 and 19
Look like Bill Gates
Own a TI-86, and they've written all of the programs they have on there, of course
Have subscriptions to all of those PC magazines
Star Trek Nerds
Characteristics:
Can recite all of the TNG, DS9, and Voyager episodes in which characters from other shows have appeared
Refuse to let you to call the space station "Deep Space Nine." It's supposed to be "Tarak Nor," the Cardassian name for it.
Are planning to take a vacation to Risa after completing their first year at the Starfleet Academy
Males: think Uhura/Troi/Dax/Kes (depending on which series he prefers) is the sexiest woman in the world
Females: think Kirk/Wesley/Jake/Paris (depending on which series she prefers) is the sexiest man in the world.
Athletic Nerds
Characteristics:
Are blonde, but don't take Latin
Are on the varsity soccer and softball/baseball teams at the same time, yet their grade point averages never drop below 4.0
Have never had a zit in their lives
Never gain a pound
Inevitably have SAT scores of 1600
Have been accepted into several Ivy League schools
Have been offered every possible scholarship, no matter how irrelevant. "Young man, even though you're a rich white boy, we've decided to award you $10,000 that we've set aside for hispanic women from low-income households because you look so cute in your football jersey."
If male: Always date cheerleaders
If female: Always date football players
Note: There's a fine line between an athetic nerd and a jock. The difference is that the athletic nerds are smart, while the jocks are struggling through Algebra 1 when sophomores.
Reject Nerds
Characteristics:
Very shy and quiet
Tend to come off as slackers or punks
Have secret laboratories in their basements
Are almost complete loners. While other groups of nerds will associate in their nerd cliques, the reject nerds just stay in their basements and perform bizarre experiments involving electricity.
High suicide rate
More coming soon... there are so many types of nerds, but there are also only so many hours in the day.
